Refresh-Jokes

 

Prince Charles & Pintu were having dinner.

Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.

Pintu thinks “how poetic”

Pintu says, “pass the custard you bastard”.

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Pintu at bar in New York.

Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”

Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”

Pintu says - “Baljith Singh Married”

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Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k

Pintu : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but??

how much is DRIVING salary…?

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Pintu’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at

night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light

is not needed!!!

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2 pintus are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says

YES…NO…YES…NO…YES…NO…

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Pintu shouting 2 his girl friend ” u said v will do register marriage

and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post

office….

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Pintu is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and

says, “chal”, it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, “chal” , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, “chal….” Finally he wrote the
conclusion……

…… “after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf……”

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A Tamilian call up pintu and asks ” tamil therima??”

Pintu got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”

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2 pintujis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written…BC 1760!!!….

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A pintu on an interview 4 da post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Pintu : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating…….

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A pintu for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’, but in the

exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ . he replaced friend with father

in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE

FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

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Interviewer: what s ur qualification?

Pintuji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewer : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Pintuji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY….

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Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?

Pintu : liquid state…..

Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE PINTUS…….

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Pintu declares:

.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .

.. . . I’ll give same advice to my children also. .. . . .

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PINTU talking on cell.

2ND PINTU: kis se baat kar raho ho.

1ST: biwi se…..

2ND: itne… pyar se….?

1ST: tumhari hai. . .

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A donkey kicked pintu & ran away

pintu ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &

said ‘SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai’.

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SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta’ s wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour

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pintu: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml

now it’s 1.5 ltr.

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On Jeeto’s bday

Pintu had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank

manager.

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teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times

pintu: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara

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Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi

gya.

Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan….

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Santa went to mysore palace.

Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan’s chair

Santa - oye dont worry yaar i’ll get up when he comes.!!..

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Pintu wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,

He wanted to save money so what did he do?

Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.

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Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital

ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai……..

Pintuji: Kyun key pizza hut mein”Delivery Free” hai.

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A Pintu enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?

Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab �?o

Pintu : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.

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One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Pintu: Any great man born in this village?

Pintu: no sir, only small Babies!!!

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Teacher: A for?

Pintu: Apple

Teacher: Jor se bolo?

Pintu: Jay mata di.

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American says: ” US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..”

Pintuji says: ” India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai…!!!”

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When TITANIC was sinking, a man asks Pintuji, how far is LAND?

Pintu: 2kms….

Man jumps into THE sea & asks: which way?

Pintu: DOWNWARDS.

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Pintu orders pizza.

Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?

Pintu: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge

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Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

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Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

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Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.

When a person asked what he was doing?

He replied, Oye! higher studies yaar.

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2 pintus were fighting after exam.

Sir: Y r u fighting?

1 Pintu: This fool left the answer sheet blank,

Sir: So what?

1 Pintu: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

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Career Song - The 8 stages

1. when in college : Hum honge kaamiyaab, Hum honge kaam iyaab ek din…..

2. when giving interview to Multi National Company: Tu hi re.. Too hi re ….tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn….

3. waiting for interview result: Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki.. aayinaaa kuch khabar mere yaarki …

4. just joined: Too cheez badi hai mast mast…..

5. after some time: Ye kahaan aa gaye hum??

6. After some more time: Naa koyi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai, meri jindagi ek kati Pathang hai (booohoooo)

7. floating the resume: kabootar ja ja ja… kabootar ja ja ja… pehele pyar ki peheli chitthi…

8. finally when you don’t get a better offer any longer:

Jeena Yehaan, marna Yehaan iske siwa

 

jaana Kahaa…!!!

 

 

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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.

Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other, Then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I
ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, The game’s over!”

When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.

Brilliant Doubts - Unanswered

1. If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not
joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)

2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
it? (to be give a thought)

3. What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)

4. If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged
during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that
stuff? (very good thinking)

5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

6. Can you cry under water? (let me try)

7. Why do people say, “you’ve been working like a dog”
when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something
else)

8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God
knows)

9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)

11. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
(tonight i will stay and watch)

12. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)

15. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was
cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )

16. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

17. Why is it called a “building” when it is already
built? (strange isnt it)

18. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you
turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think
scientifically)

19. If you’re traveling at the speed of light and you
turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a change to
try)

20. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

21. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all
the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)

22. Wh! y do most cars have speedometers that go up to
at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?
(stupid, break the law)

 

INTERESTING……..!!!!!!!!!

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’ & ‘d’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter ‘d’ comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’ & ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter ‘a’ comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters ‘b’ & ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter ‘b’ comes for the first time in Billion)

And

Letter ‘c’ does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting

Difference between Focusing on Problems and Focusing on Solutions

Case 1

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that
the pens wouldn’t work at zero gravity (ink won’t flow down to the writing
surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.
They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did the Russians do…?? They used a pencil.

Case 2

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan ’s biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with
high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes
that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt,
they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the
same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but
instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial
electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on,
and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of
the line.

Moral: Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible
solution that solves the problems. Always focus on solutions & not on
problems. So the end of the day the thing that really matters is HOW ONE
LOOK INTO THE PROBLEM and Resolve early.